Restoration

If I were to express the most difficult aspect of my life it would be centered on false accusations. I first experienced this behavior in others in the second grade involving the leaders of the school, whether teachers or the administration. It was found to be unfounded and I received restoration. I can say this was the last time I would experience restoration by the hand of people, churches, schools, employers, and leaders. There is an unhealthy distrust where it often is uncalled for. We as Christians are taught to forgive and so I do, but this doesn't remove the pain. I was an usher at my church. I was amazed at the anointing that came with the position. I can recall the enormous blessed feeling to be allowed and called to welcome and seat people in the house of God and the ease I found in organizing seating people in a full church. I was so thankful to be positioned in the center aisle in the center of the row at the very middle of the sanctuary and I had nothing but respect for the God I was serving. This respect was not only offered as an usher, but even in my giving and tithe. I didn't use the offering envelopes because I didn't need recognition by the church nor did I want the deductions available in April. Where is the giving if I get it back from the government? In that case, the government was the giver. I also had the opportunity to do some carpet work on 3 platforms/ alters of the church, the sound booth of the new building, the church offices of pastors, and a piece in the choir practice room. These were the most important places, to me, in the church. When I was done, the pastor asked me to write up a bill and 'not hold back, they wanted to bless me'. I held back anyway and walked out with 2 checks. As I stood in front of the building, I marveled that this came from people's tithes and offerings and I wanted to keep the money 'in The Kingdom'. Led by The Spirit, I found myself at Walmart buying stereo equipment for my truck and praisehauler was born. I've spent my off hours studying the Bible and listening to teaching tapes over and over since I was 10 with my mom. Even to this day, I am sure I listen to more teaching videos than anyone in my small group reading this combined. I was even fired from a carpet store due to complaints the owner was getting about the content of what I listened to while I was working in customer's homes. I wasn't told about the first 5 complaints, but the 6th came from a Jewish couple when their daughter came to them after I had been playing John Bevere and she asked them, "Who is this Jesus?" That usher position? Leaders decided since I wasn't working, that I shouldn't be in a position to have access to the offering plates. There was no cause, not even a false accusation, just distrust in the hearts of people. Today that church now insists on 'back ground checks' to serve. I have to assume they are still having whatever perceived or realized problems they brought on themselves. From what I see and hear, they have really been set backward and are launching ministries that were in operation previously. Restoration seems to be a difficult decision within the hearts of believers. When I lost that carpet installation job, a simple payment of my auto insurance would have averted poor decisions and actions on my part while trying to restore myself and finding work. Two friends had offered to loan the money and backed out. I went to the church and was told, "We don't pay those kind of things." - But if I waited until I was facing eviction and loss of electricity, then they'd help. I haven't driven since 2005 due to those tickets. It is nearly impossible to get substantial continuous work without driving and / or a license, never mind restoring my loss. One thing I have learned, restoration does not come from opinions, laws, rules, or the proud. Where can I find restoration for what has been done? I'm not talking about handouts, I mean how do I recover and maintain love for people who don't. Between me and God, I do love people and serve them through Him but they reject this too as they reject Him. I could name 100 people who readily accept help but if i ask for any I'm told to work for it myself, I'm young and can handle it, or I'll pray for you. While true, they forget the help they received when they needed it and that it came from the Body of Christ by their hands. God doesn't drop a bag from Heaven. So if Christians are in the state they're in, where does restoration stand a chance in a world of false accusations and unbelief? Even Judas was known to actually be taking money from the offerings and was given a chance to continue and be restored. Yeah, events from 11 years ago still hurt. Just because they were spawned in ignorance and I've forgiven it, doesn't take the pain or the result away when restoration hasn't manifested. What does manifest is improper claims to the 'blame game' which isn't in effect here and restoration continues to elude.