School Bullying and School Shootings

I used to sit and dream of being able to walk in and wipe out certain members of the school body. I had a dream I actually killed a school bully, even woke up the next morning thinking I had. Got ready, showered, ate, and walked to the bus stop thinking I had killed him and was smiling the whole morning. It wasn't till the bus pulled up I realized it was a dream. My being a Christian was my schools only safety and prevented thoughts of arriving at school reunions later in life and I have no doubt my experiences from 4th to 9th grade were detrimental to many paths I would have had. Thank God we moved to another county when I entered the 10th grade! I found a totally different class of school citizens. I didn't change in any way, I just landed in a school that had some class and some of them are best friends to this day. I got some 'revenge' along the way back at the other schools; kicked one down a flight of cement stairs, pushed one (the one I killed in the dream) into a huge sticker bush just as the bus pulled up - he came up out of it covered head to toe in sand spurs, the whole bus of kids laughed, the bus driver laughed, closed the door and we left him there, gave another a bloody lip. No, I shouldn't have had to go through all that and avoid school like the plague skipping for two consecutive weeks in addition to many other single and double days and not one school administrator or teacher bothered to find out why, being chased off neighboring streets and told I wasn't allowed to pass their house, showing up at my house - one with a baseball bat that I got away from him and used it on him; got him good too! Had to do 6th grade over from skipping so much. Hated school with a passion and most of the people in it. I totally understand school shooters except they often take it out on the wrong people. I would have been very selective and everyone would have known why I chose who I chose. Much can be said about the parent of the victim. My mom knew NONE of this except for the baseball bat incident. The kid went running to my front door, frantically ringing the bell. My mom opened the door to see me coming up the sidewalk, not finished with beating this kid with his own bat he came to use on me, seeing red, yelling 'GET OFF MY PROPERTY NOW!" He ran down the driveway and for some reason turned around just in time to duck the now airborne bat headed right for his head flung from 25 feet away. She didn't even know till I was in my 30's that the school paddled kids. I was like, "Well what did you think '3 licks' on the discipline slip meant?" She looked horrified. I wasn't sent to the office once in a while...I went every day, sent by a southern hick woman who didn't like a fresh New Yorker leaving a Catholic school moving to Florida in the middle of the 4th grade, 2 years ahead of any of her students. My first taste of her was when I asked where we were going. I had no idea what 'P.E.' was. We had gym class in NY. Her answer was, "Shut up and keep walking" When I showed irritation having to listen to classmates reading aloud in small group time, 2 reading levels under me, she yelled, "Well if you don't like it go to your desk and read by yourself!" So I did and very happy about it. This is when trips to the office began and the principle introduced me to the paddle, daily. My mom knew nothing, yet I was being groomed to react. You can only imagine what it took to get through it. I still feel the rage I keep tamed and is probably the cause of some of my overreactions and comments and pessimism. My mom's response finding out the principal(s) paddled me from 4th to 6th and 6th grades, "I would have been down there and had her by the throat!" I remember it all like it was yesterday, and I would think I suffer a form of PTSD. I had to take a psych exam as part of a physical disability claim. The report revealed I was angry and had the potential to react with violence. My IQ is 145, when tested back in those school days was 136, the school wanting psychiatrist appointments based on my discipline problems. We talked about the bullying. That's where the topic remained, within the walls of her office. This is why kids shoot up schools and I don't blame them one bit.